Senate releases ethical statement

The Senate has been criticised for its support of the death sentences handed down to six Nigerians in Indonesia for alleged drug trafficking and for its silence in the face of non-payment of corps members. But the Senate spokesman, Eyinnaya Abaribe, in a swift reaction has condemned its condemners saying the Senate doesn’t jump into just any issue because they are guided by an ethical statement. According to him, “Before we get to work, we ask ourselves some questions – Is a senator involved in the problem? Does it affect the price of a British Airways first class ticket? Does it affect our “allowee?” In fact, is that why we are here? If it doesn’t answer all these questions, then just forget it.”

Space dream isn’t a pipe dream

The announcement by Science and Technology Minister, Prof Ita Bassey that Nigeria would put men in space by 2015, was the second most talked about event of last week (just behind Buhari’s “dogs and baboons”.) Already, President Jonathan has slashed his feeding allowance by N90 million, as a personal contribution to the project. While most proper human beings wallowed in collective fear at the implications of Nigeria’s space aspirations, a special lobby group, The Space Blazers, has come out in forceful support. They highlighted strong reasons why the space dream is the best thing to happen to Nigeria since the discovery of good luck and why all Nigerians must support it.

1. It’ll give our president fulfilment. You see that distant look perpetually on his face, like he’s unsure and confused and just staring into space? Well, that’s the fact; he’s been staring into space. And now it’s time for his space dream to come true.
2. Government officials spent a whopping N300 billion on foreign travel last year alone to mere earthly nations. Imagine how much grander that would become when we include space to the itinerary. And the good part is that it’s another person’s turn in government today; 2015 might be your turn.
3. The space dream gives the Jonathan campaign team priceless advert ideas for 2015 like “Vote Goodluck and be one of the lucky winners of a grand ticket to space,” or “I had no shoes, but thanks to me, you can have a space suit”.

VP Sambo beefs GEJ

At a book launch in memory of the late President Yar’adua, Nigeria’s Vice-president Namadi Sambo announced to all present that if Yar’adua was still alive, he would have solved the power situation. This was said to have offended the president, who retorted by telling close aides that if the former Vice President Atiku Abubakar was still VP, people would have noticed that “a living person was there.” Sambo told the gathering at the book launch that, “Since Yaradua is gone, what do we do? Should we resurrect him to give us light? Should we query Jonathan? Should we give up? Or should we fast for three days like the Edo State PDP?”

CROWNED CLOWN (CeeCee) OF THE WEEK

An employer who doesn’t pay his employees their due wage is either wicked or broke. The Federal Government says it’s not broke. Yet members of the NYSC, mandated by law to “serve” their country wherever they’re needed are still being owed their April allowances, 21 days into the new month. This is despite assurances by the Minister of Youth Development, Bolaji Abdullahi, that allowances would be paid last Friday – assurances he made only because young, restless people began to make “noise” about the matter as NYSC officials didn’t have the courtesy of pre-informing them that their wages would be delayed. Surely those young patriotic Nigerians deserve better. Patriotism most times is proportional to the government’s empathy and proaction to meet needs. Government’s  failure is responsible for the long queues at foreign embassies. The NYSC DG, Brig. Gen Okore-Affia takes the CeeCee; he’ll be ably accompanied by Minister Bolaji Abdullahi.

 

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Editor’s note: Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.