I socialized with a lot of non-Nigerians and actually dated outside the Nationality, and even the race for a while… I had different measures for each category of people I dated or seriously considered for a romantic, and possibly long term relationship.

I didn’t set out to marry a Nigerian man. It was a preference, but after I moved to the UK, I knew it was up in the air. In Edinburgh where I lived, Nigerian men were less than 5 percent of the entire male population. However, for most of my years there, my primary social group were the other Nigerians in the area, so of the people I met, Nigerian men were up to 30 per cent.

Needless to say, I socialized with a lot of non-Nigerians and actually dated outside the Nationality, and even the race for a while. I confess that I had different measures for each category of people I dated or seriously considered for a romantic, and possibly long term relationship.

For instance, if the guy was British, it was less likely that speaking good English would be one of his weak points. But for my Nigerian brothers, especially if they were not students like I was, it could be an issue. Are you surprised a good command of English was among my requirements? Wait till you hear the rest.

In the end, I did meet and marry a Nigerian. The other day we were talking about the things I saw in him that made me say yes, and the things today that continue to make me glad I did. I decided to list them out, and also to share.

– He is not a tribal jingoist. I consider myself to be from one of the minority ethnic groups and any one who carries their majority tribe arrogantly on their shoulders turn me off pretty quickly.

– He has a job and can manage money. He is not a millionaire but we get by on a regular income.

– He can cook, and often does, with me or alone.

– He loves his family and has a good rapport with them.

– He is hardworking, and in different helpful ways

– He is well educated, but more than that reads widely and continues to learn and grow.

– He respects me, knows the things important to me, and esteems them too, like my family.

– He is kind and generous, to me, friends and family, and to most people around us.

– He is chivalrous, yes, and accepts it graciously when I reciprocate.

– He is handsome and well built, a lot taller than me, but not too much

– He keeps himself and surroundings neat and clean

– He loves travelling.

– He speaks good English.

– We share a lot of values, and interests.

– We also disagree on some stuff, and that keeps me from getting bored.

I could continue but I’ll stop here.

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Myne Whitman [pen name], is the author of bestselling romance novels, A Heart to Mend (2009) and A Love Rekindled (2011). On her award-winning blog Romance Meets Life, Myne shares excerpts of her books, tips on love, life and relationships, and snippets from her personal life.

 

Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.