Women need room to be fully human


Women are forced to live by a never-ending list of deadlines that when carefully scrutinised, what one sees are only phantoms created by a system that first strips them of power, then tells them they never had the power, to begin with.

It is this premise that makes the conversation about erstwhile singer, Cassie, achieving any milestone since her breakup with her media mogul ex-boyfriend Diddy revolve back to him. To how he wasted her time in a 10-year relationship that did not end in marriage. But the stark landscape of that repetitive conversation is changing as women continue to assert their stances on these issues that though they directly affect them, society often excludes them from the discussion of.

Cassie’s announcement of a second pregnancy with her husband, Alex Fine, has reignited a tired conversation on Twitter. To put it simply, it revolves around how she is finally getting what she always wanted after Diddy wasted her time with a 10-year relationship that was leading nowhere. The voices of Nigerian women who counter this assertion with the logical point that while Cassie might in fact be getting what she wants now, that doesn’t mean she wasted her time in her relationship with Diddy.

Women are typically considered to be at the receiving end of everything in patriarchal societies. They are said to have been “fucked” in a conversation about sex as if sex is something men do to women rather than a mutually enjoyable activity by two adults. Girls are raised to see marriage as a goal they must attain at all cost while men get the allowance to approach the same on their own terms.

But as Twitter user @ozzyetomi pointed out, maybe the needs of women evolve over time and their priorities along with them. It is a human thing that should not need pointing out, but then that is the story of everything women have to deal with. Women are not allowed room to be people. And the calls of feminism have always been simply, “let women be people.” With that will come all the accompaniments of choice that comes with it.

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