Every day on the Nigerian internet, there are people who keep our eyes glued to our phone screens as we read their rants, opinions, perspectives on political and social issues, etc. Sometimes, they are just downright ridiculous. Here are the ones we saw today:

Pastor [begins to speak in tongues]: kalazoo kalazam spropopos skrapaboos…

Congregration [fired up]: Amen! Amen! Amen! Amen!

Angels [in disgust]: Ewww!!! Wtf!!! Someone shut him up!!!

God: Did- did he just say he’d eat my ass?

— Zi (@Ziziian) August 8, 2019

Did you just make mockery of God and the Holy Spirit. Someone needs to take your phone away.

Football fans make me laugh. They would complain of a player day and night. If another club buys the player they would start regretting and talking about how good the player was.

— Sally (@is_salsu) August 8, 2019

It’s Deadline Day on the summer transfer window and so the hypocrisy amongst football fans will run amok.

The situation has got so bad in Nigeria that soldiers of the Nigerian Army are now killing police officers and “rescuing” and freeing the terrorists, killers and kidnappers?

To @MBuhari and ALL those that helped to put him in power in 2015 and 2019 I say, clap for yourselves!

— Femi Fani-Kayode (@realFFK) August 8, 2019

The Police and the Army are fighting one another on social media; the army killed policemen..

They have finished with civilians, and have now turned on themselves. Eventually, the madness goes round!

“How you do anything, is how you do everything.”#ReformPoliceNG #ReformArmy

— Juliet ‘Kego | #Poetry4Change (@julietkego) August 8, 2019

Got to a place in ọgbà where they sell Àmàlà. I stopped there to buy cos of the crowd. Guess how much they sold their wrap. N20. even the beef is N20. I don’t think ọgbà is in Lagos cos I’m confused. Walahi the food is really nice

— Dee! (Àbúrò Jack Bauer) (@debo_sikal) August 8, 2019

Ogba is the land flowing milk and honey. We should all move there just for Amala.

I think we need to talk about how it’s only women that come to fertility clinics while their husbands with deranged SFA will sit at home making zero effort.
Useless Ego

— Sunflower?? (@_Olayimika) August 8, 2019

Deranged SFA, LOL. This is also the sexist believe that childlessness is the woman’s fault.