Every day on the Nigerian Internet, there are people who keep our eyes glued to our phone screens as we read their rants, opinions, perspectives on political and social issues, etc. Sometimes, they are just downright ridiculous. We make it our job to take down the names of these noisemakers.

Here are the ones we saw today:

Of course. Let’s shame the low level criminals. Not the ones laundering money in Dubai real estate. https://t.co/ZMGLPwmh6r

— The Writer Formerly Known As Elnathan (@elnathan_john) April 2, 2019

PREACH PASTOR ELNATHAN

My heartfelt prayers are with the family and friends of Kolade Johnson, the young football fan who was allegedly killed by men of the Nigerian Police in Mangoro/Onipetesi community in Lagos. https://t.co/konc2qYM8Y

— Abubakar Bukola Saraki (@bukolasaraki) April 1, 2019

OK.

There was a time in my life where I cooked 3 times a day or at least twice a day. I can’t believe that I haven’t cooked a major food in 8months. If someone told me that this will happen I would fight them because I loved to cook, my hobby was cooking.

— Sally (@is_salsu) April 2, 2019

What are we suppose to do with this information now, sister Sally?

Yam and Egg is trash.

— Matic (PhD) (@KR3Wmatic) April 2, 2019

Is it crack? Is it crack that you smoke?

INEC is carrying out pre-planned activities with Gov Wike in R/S.
My party collation agents were refused to be at collation point.
Mr Nonye Kocha was replaced with Mr Progress Ogbokuma but Mrs May Mbu working with PDP refused the nomination of Mr Progress Ogbokuma and others.

— Engr. Biokpomabo Awara (@BiokpomaboA) April 2, 2019

The thing wey Wike do no good oo. Only him defeat Billionaire Tonye Cole, Minister of Land, Air and Sea Rotimi Amaechi and that wretched Awara tomato of AAC…Take them sweep floor. Wike is ‘Wike’D’.

— Babasola Kuti (@RealSolaKuti) April 2, 2019

Anytime I see news on Avocado I feel sad. For the mere fact that we are yet to have one single Governor in Taraba State in the last 20 years that even attempted to exploit the prospects of this. We have it in abundance in Mambilla Plateau. They call it the green gold in Mexico. https://t.co/QtfN95PxcY

— Abu Rayyan (@Abdulrahmanleme) April 2, 2019

Let’s appoint you as Avocado minister.

Eva ALORDIAH didn’t give us noise, so we didn’t appreciate her at all.

She’s still the best female in this rap game! #Fact

She’s better than a whole lot of your favorite MC’s but because of no publicity we sent her to start doing make up ?‍♂️

— Masked Delphic (@MrDelphian) April 2, 2019

Alordiah, we stan.

Wonder if anyone here speaks/reads Fulani with some competence…

— Kọ́lá Túbọ̀sún (@kolatubosun) April 2, 2019

Show off.