Every day on the Nigerian internet, there are people who keep our eyes glued to our phone screens as we read their rants, opinions, perspectives on political and social matters, etc. Sometimes, they are just downright ridiculous. We make it our job to take down the names of these noisemakers.

Here’s our list from today:

1 Mike Pence

Donald Trump has been making headlines today since he pulled America out of the Paris Climate Accord. Vice President Mike Pence is amazed that Americans are making mountains out of mole hills; and throws his weight behind Trump’s decision on Paris.

WATCH:

.@VP: "For some reason, this issue of climate change has emerged as a paramount issue for the left – in this country and around the world." pic.twitter.com/1UgRsgVkj1

— Fox News (@FoxNews) June 2, 2017

Reactions:

"For some reason, human beings need fresh air to breathe, inhabitable land & prefer their endangered species not extinct. It's weird" – @VP

— Kno (@Kno) June 2, 2017

2. Jk Rowling

Author of the Harry Potter fantasy series is best known on Twitter for her quick wit. This is her clapback on Pence.

'Damn those lefties and their so-called science. What are they REALLY up to, that's the question. Bet you $10 it's something gay.' https://t.co/ofZvWfVxJs

— J.K. Rowling (@jk_rowling) June 2, 2017

Damn, girl.

How will "climate change is a lib fraud" propagandists explain that 100 large US corporations have stiffed Trump & committed 2 Paris terms?

— Kurt Eichenwald (@kurteichenwald) June 2, 2017

3. John Dramana Mahama

Everyone from Africa to the North Pole is chiming in on the pull-out disaster. The former president of Ghana had this to say:

My thoughts:The US has just abdicated its leadership on a matter of critical global importance. @BarackObama @realDonaldTrump @erna_solberg pic.twitter.com/TiQ5HiSQUD

— John Dramani Mahama (@JDMahama) June 2, 2017

4. Jason Kander

Which makes us appreciate Jason Kanda’s commentary even more:

To all scientists, engineers, entrepreneurs, responsible citizens who were disappointed by the decision of the US: pic.twitter.com/qxjPX8MhKt

— Emmanuel Macron (@EmmanuelMacron) June 1, 2017

Sad day. Our allies bypassing POTUS to speak directly to the American people the way we've always done with authoritarian regimes like Iran. https://t.co/hYzmDT52fh

— Jason Kander (@JasonKander) June 2, 2017

How the mighty have fallen.

5. Pope Francis

But not so fast. The Pope is optimistic that…

Through the darkness of today's conflicts, every one of us can become a bright candle, a reminder that light will overcome darkness.

— Pope Francis (@Pontifex) June 2, 2017

 

6. Godwin Obaseki

Maybe for America. Certainly not for Obaseki. Instead of light, he has engulfed Edo state with darkness. Or how else do you explain these unnecessary appointments the new state Governor has embarked on?

See below:

I, today, announced the appointment of 192 Special Assistants. For inclusive and participatory governance, I ensured that the appointees/

— Godwin Obaseki (GGO) (@GovernorObaseki) June 2, 2017

/represent a true reflection of all the 192 electoral wards in the three Senatorial Districts that make up the state. Furthermore, these/

— Godwin Obaseki (GGO) (@GovernorObaseki) June 2, 2017

/SAs will assist the govt from their respective wards where offices would be set up with adequate communication facilities to enable them/

— Godwin Obaseki (GGO) (@GovernorObaseki) June 2, 2017

/channel information to the government promptly. They have been mandated to be the eyes, ears and, where necessary, mouthpiece of the govt/

— Godwin Obaseki (GGO) (@GovernorObaseki) June 2, 2017

/in their various wards, and ensure that every citizen has a say in the administration of the state.

— Godwin Obaseki (GGO) (@GovernorObaseki) June 2, 2017

Reactions:

Isn't this the same reason you have councillors representing wards?

— Victor Okhani (@OfficiallyVQ) June 2, 2017

E tire me o. 192 special assistants? That's a record breaking display of cluelessness

— #NoFear (@Chimela01) June 2, 2017

This one na 'come & chop'

— CAPTAIN (@PaulUtho) June 2, 2017

Oga Goddy, u get anoda state within ur state? ????

— eL-KhAliFa (@chukachuka0984) June 2, 2017

One chance!!! pic.twitter.com/gsFNIziFs5

— CAPTAIN (@PaulUtho) June 2, 2017

true true u no well TF are you doing with 192 special assistant…damn i thought u will be different

— Ug (@ugochukwupri) June 2, 2017

We thought you will Change the ways Things Are done in government, from your 1st appointment, you broke Our Heart, 192 SAs??? Bad begining!

— Osunde, Azuka (@NwaAke) June 2, 2017

We keep confusing representation and autonomy with giving very many INDIVIDUALS a govt appointment. But why are we so daft in this country? https://t.co/skIC79pvrI

— AYO SOGUNRO (@ayosogunro) June 2, 2017

Be thankful. CRS has 196 wards. Find out the number of CRSG political appointees… https://t.co/LlbmEUqQlc

— Eyo (@eyooekpo) June 2, 2017

Edo people have hereby lost the right to troll people from Osun, Imo, Kogi and all other states afflicted with visionless leadership. https://t.co/OzszF1adQR

— Demola Olarewaju (@DemolaRewaju) June 2, 2017

What he said.

Heck, what they all said!

And then there was Mr Adesanmi

Pius Adesanmi

The Edo state Governor is stingy. 192 Special Assistants. He cannot add ordinary 8 to kuku round it up at 200.

— Pius Adesanmi (@pius_adesanmi) June 2, 2017

Abi na.

 

7. Kayode Ogundamisi

That light matter go hard, fa.Wasn’t it just yesterday Gimba Kakanda threw jabs at Nnamdi Kanu for Trump-like typos? One day for the thief, abi; it’s the North’ turn today. And no, these egregious errors don’t qualify as typos.

Sombori did not go to school complete.

Read slowly:

I am not kidding. The attached letter???? is an official Toro Local Government Bauchi State letter. They also oversee Primary Education??⤵⤵. pic.twitter.com/dTlDeMWf5n

— Kayode Ogundamisi (@ogundamisi) June 2, 2017

Reactions

Anti-depression advice: after reading this letter…. take a deep breath…deep breath again….and move on!!

— Benjy (@Benji_Benjy) June 2, 2017

https://twitter.com/sifushka/status/870626360544436224

Just take time out to read comments to major news stories online and see such conflicts at full display. It's a generational emergency TBH

— ? MD Backdoor Family (@tolu_dr) June 2, 2017

Only in Nigeria you will see these absurd things. Why can't they just write the letter in the local language.

— Tubosun Falowo (@precinoti) June 2, 2017

These are the thoughts that bring about mediocre performance. One should as well ask whether they can write properly in their language.

— adebusola adejokun (@adejokun) June 2, 2017

in the end English is not our mother-tongue….????. Let's face it.

— Chukwuemeka Ifeanyi (@ifeanyi_83) June 2, 2017

Hehehe.

 

8. Cheta Nwanze

While we might criticise the North for its backwardness, Cheta highlights one of the  great features of Northern culture vis a vis the South.

See below:

p

4/ That identity deepened over the last decade, especially after challenges faced by my father, when Nigeria told him who he is.

— Chxta (@Chxta) June 2, 2017

17/ This is one of the many things that Igbo people need to take a long, hard, look at. We are alienating a lot of our own people.

— Chxta (@Chxta) June 2, 2017

Reactions

There is a sense of us in the North compare to any part of the country that why if a non hausa speakers the lang they are easily accepted

— elpatron (@sufianuopeyemi) June 2, 2017

True, that.

 

9. Monaay

speaking of acceptance, Monaay advocates that we do not become too accepting of everything in the nsme of feminism that we can no longer call a spade by its technical name.

See below:

https://twitter.com/Monaayy/status/870673817303175168

https://twitter.com/Monaayy/status/870673966427512832

https://twitter.com/Monaayy/status/870674136791756800

https://twitter.com/Monaayy/status/870674522608988161

https://twitter.com/Monaayy/status/870674852105125888

https://twitter.com/Monaayy/status/870675310366400513

https://twitter.com/RetroFela/status/870684243835277314

Indeed.