by Nosakhare Amethyst

 “Remember, just because you are trying to overcome grief does not mean you have to forget the person.”

Few persons have had their fantasy come through just the way they thought; When that ‘perfect moment’ is ruined by sad news its totally unforgettable. I’m not an authority in counselling but I’m going to share my story of how I escaped from the terrible hands of ‘ grief ’ and I know someone out there needs this. Yes, I can share my experience because I have experienced ‘the cure’* winks*.

My mother wasn’t exactly my favourite because she was too strict but I owe my strong faith, core values, sense of humour, hospitality and many more good qualities I possess to her. The last time we spoke she wanted me to come home from school and I declined, two days later, she died *sad face*. When I got the news, my first impulse was to use the ladies *laughs*. I cried so bad the bags under my eyes wouldn’t let me see; It wasn’t easy loosing her, especially because I’m the eldest child and people kept saying you’ve got to be strong for your dad and siblings. Then came the ‘family drama’ with my relatives ( trust me you don’t need tears to survive that, doesn’t work) and finally the funeral; gosh! it was over but I knew it was just the beginning.

A year after her death I still couldn’t believe it was real, it seemed too weird to be true. Then I went on a guilt trip for all the times I refused to run errands for her, argued with her, didn’t say I love her; Every little time I refused to show appreciation came slamming on my face, then I wondered why it had to be me, wasn’t I too young to be without a mother? (yea, I know what you are thinking now). I engaged in what the psychologist termed ‘searching behaviour’; I would search for her face in the market, around the house, and on my way back from church I’d wish she was sitting outside the house waiting for my arrival or she was busy in the kitchen. Finally, I had to accept she was gone and I moved on.

Still, one basic truth remains, I couldn’t have pulled through without the help of my friends. It was a time when life changed, I was changed by the experience. I had to forge a new relationship with her, a relationship that transcended time. Today, when I look back I know that period was when I took a step towards healing.

The experience taught me that there would be disappointments, broken relationships, illnesses , loss of opportunities, deaths, natural disasters and betrayals of trust; However, if we accept that these situations are meant to make us stronger and better, coping becomes easier.

Right after a loss, it can be hard to accept what has happened. Naturally, bad situations inspire profound sadness.The best thing is to grieve in your own way, as we all react to occurrences differently. Think about the wonderful times you spent together ( you can’t erase memories), know that it will get better (be positive, it sure will) and find something that will give you comfort ( for me, it was my bible and music). Remember, just because you are trying to overcome grief does not mean you have to forget the person.

Finally, I believe so much in Occam’s razor which says the simplest explanation is always correct. The best consolation I got from a friend is this “… allow the holy spirit comfort you” and I held onto it. Yes, it worked and it still works.

Today, I dare you to smile.

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Nosakhare Amethyst loves plenty Jesus, knowledge, humour and the good things of life. She is an ardent reader of the blog http://favourmoyse.blogspot.com.

30 Days, 30 Voices series is an opportunity for young Nigerians from across the world to share their stories and experiences – creating a meeting point where our common humanity is explored.

Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija