by a Guest Contributor

Often, I sit down to watch a movie or television show and on numerous occasions, a particular character in the movie starts to really get on my nerve. In a relationship, it’s the girlfriend who is touchy, angry at every little thing, controlling, lazy and just altogether selfish in the relationship (you know that one who cannot seem to have fun with anything).

There are times that it’s the guy who just thinks the girl is a possession. Sometimes, it’s the wife who has been offended and then apologized to, but who insist on leaving the relationship. At those times, I am torn; I understand where she is coming from but then I am often asking for a need to be logical.

When I see friendship portrayed on television, I love the give and take, the mental stimulation, the ability to chastise each other when wrong as well as jubilate with each other when someone achieves something remarkable. I would usually dislike the friend who is always jealous, who wants to be supported but never turning up to support others. I sometimes get angry on their behalf and wish that they throw the nasty one out of the squad already. I mean, what’s the essence of friendship when we cannot really depend on each other, right?

But then, after the movie is done and I accidentally walk past a mirror, I see that bitch staring back at me. Certain situations happen in friendship and relationships that make me see that self – involving bitch that I so detested on television, in myself. As much as I would like to think of myself as a saint, I have been that selfish and touchy girlfriend on numerous occasions. And there have been situations that made me unavailable to turn up for my friends when needed me to. I have on numerous occasion be that child who just wants to get away from her parents (I wish I could say that I regretted that, but nah (TMI)).

With this in mind, I have begun to work on the judgmental side of me (I am human and an African for that matter, so I have it). Daily, I strive to carry logic all around into every situation so that I can see without bias and deal accordingly, without any sentiment. It’s a struggle but I try. Because, I know that I could easily be that bitch* I am judging so terribly, if the situation present itself.

*According to the writer, the word ‘bitch’ means a person who is belligerent, unreasonable, malicious, controlling, aggressive, or dominant.

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Onyinye Udeh