How you may be crushing your partner’s confidence + how to stop

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When women say things such as how jealous they are because their friend’s husband just bought them a shiny new BMW  or they just went on a whirlwind vacation, men take this as a sign that they are not providing enough for you.

We can all assume that if you love a man and you are in a committed relationship with him, then you do not want to do him any harm. But what if you were doing or saying things that you thought were insignificant but they were crushing your man’s confidence?

A lot of men may seem “macho” but sometimes there are certain things that women do or say that will shake their confidence a little.

For starters, comparing your man to other men can be a huge confidence killer, especially if you are comparing money. When women say things such as how jealous they are because their friend’s husband just bought them a shiny new BMW  or they just went on a whirlwind vacation, men take this as a sign that they are not providing enough for you.

Negative body language is another way you can knock your guy down. Rolling your eyes, checking your watch and looking bored are going to make him think that you don’t care about what he has to say. Also when you show up to dinner with no makeup, hair down and messy, and clothes less than dressy, it is as if you are telling them that they aren’t worth dressing up for anymore.

When having a conversation with your man, try to avoid the use of the word ‘but’. This word has negative connotations written all over it for a guy. That ‘but’ can be taken to mean that you are not getting enough of what you need. It can make them feel like they are not providing or doing enough for you. Don’t keep repeating his shortcomings either. It will look like you are focusing on all of the bad and none of the good about him.

Lastly, don’t ever tell your man that he isn’t needed.  For example, if he offers to change the oil in your car (provided that he actually knows how to do so), don’t tell him that you can just take it down to a garage and have someone do it for you. Let him change the oil. It will give him a sense of accomplishment and make him feel like he is needed and is a valued member of the relationship.

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Read this article in Healthy Black Woman

 

Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.

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