by Demola Olanrewaju

It’s too long if he keeps on shifting landmark dates to later ones with annoying excuses, amazing consistency and more promises. Landmark dates include a specific date when he promised to give you a ring, to introduce you to his family, to meet your family etc.

I know couples who dated for over a decade and got married to each other. I know couples who dated for over a decade and did not get married to each other. The difference lies in the persons involved so no one can really tell you how long is too long for a relationship to stay in the dating phase without moving on to the next level. Rarely does a man move the relationship forward and sisters often find themselves edging the relationship inch by inch towards marriage with the man a little less than the unwilling accomplice.

For a man, the time is rarely ever right except his family is putting pressure on him. Men approach most things with logic – I need to get a better house, I’ll marry if I’m making more money, if only I had a steady job, if only I had a car or the classic: I’m still studying her or I don’t want to rush into marriage.

A woman may know straight off if a man is ‘husband material’ for her but a man rarely knows. Deep down, we brothers are scared of marriage. We’re scared we could make the wrong choice or not be able to cater for our family and the woman would end up blaming us when the chips are down. We’re most scared though of losing our independence.

It’s therefore not really a case of ‘how long’ or ‘how far’ but one of ‘how well’. The length of time doesn’t really matter so long as the relationship that nobody in his family knows about is obviously not likely to go anywhere; there’s a reason he’s not introducing you to his people as his fiancée or girlfriend or even a friend and it may well be that he’s not just willing to get married to you.

It helps sometimes to let a man know that you’re not looking for another boyfriend but for a serious relationship. Although some men ignore this declaration and still keep the relationship casual even when he agreed to marry you as soon as possible. It is up to the lady to move on if she observes that this guy ‘has nothing to do’ with her other than casual dating.

Keeping a relationship undefined gives you the option of moving on without explanations or seeing others on the side but it comes with the risk that he has ‘plausible deniability’ – he can claim he didn’t promise you marriage after all.

Society prescribes the ideal age of marriage for a lady as between 26 and 36 so there really is something as ‘too long’ if you’ve been dating for years and you’re not getting approached by sensible suitors as often. The relationship might not even have gone on for long but if you discover time isn’t on your side, it’s advisable to move on.

It’s too long if he keeps on shifting landmark dates to later ones with annoying excuses, amazing consistency and more promises. Landmark dates include a specific date when he promised to give you a ring, to introduce you to his family, to meet your family etc.

It’s too long if after he’s taken serious steps towards marriage he still threatens that he reserves the right to call the whole thing off – do him a favour and call it off before he does.

A relationship has gone on too long if you’ve watched all his close friends get married and he still claims the time isn’t yet right for him. It’s too long if you spend whole weeks in his house cooking his meals, washing his clothes and he still sees other chics on the side – without any attempt at covering up or showing remorse when you find him out.

No guy who watches football watches his team in the lead until the 95th and the referee makes no attempt to blow the final whistle without getting mad at the TV. If you can’t walk away when a relationship has gone on for too long, have some sense and stop sending the toasters away abruptly or discouraging other guys from getting close to you.

There are tactics guys use to hold on to a lady when they’re not yet prepared to take the final step and I elaborate in this article that haunts me still. In that article, I wrote about the delay tactics brothers can use to avoid getting married in 2013 but I didn’t take my own advice and went and got married.

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