Dealing with loss | The Daily Vulnerable

By Jeffrey Ejekhine

I have had to deal with one of the hardest losses in my life at a very young age; the loss of my mother hit me hard, and left me completely devastated, even till today as an adult, I still miss her immensely.

I remember hearing the news of her death and feeling lost in this world. I remember how I became erratic, how I got into unnecessary fights, and in fact, I had my first fight ever after losing her. When I finally realised myself and how much dealing with such huge loss had changed me, I decided to make changes to my behaviour, because I knew my Mum wouldn’t bear to see me act the way I did.

In the process of making changes, I realised the fact that nothing lasts forever and there is always an end to life. This gave me closure, knowing that it was nature and probably for the best. I created a kind of defence mechanism not to be affected deeply by the loss of a loved one anymore. In the past few years, I have lost a few close relatives and I would mourn for a day or so and move on so quick knowing that life goes on, and we shouldn’t be hung up in the events of the past. 

But then something happened some months ago, I lost a very close friend of mine and the news of his demise broke me down completely, for a week I wouldn’t want to eat anything and all I could do was imagine our lives together in the past and what our lives would have been in the future. This experience made me realise there is no defence mechanism anyone can create to deal with loss, the reason why I didn’t feel the loss of past relatives was because I didn’t feel the impact of their absence in my life, here I am sobbing over a friend I would call whenever I ran into trouble, the only friend I trusted with my secrets, he was gone and I felt so alone, no one to tell the things I can’t talk about. I allowed myself to feel the pain of the loss as this was a way I could heal, and I have felt better ever since. I got to know it’s good to feel the loss of a loved one, it’s so unnecessary creating defence mechanisms to deal with a loss you could learn from after you have allowed yourself process your emotions. Till today I still miss him deeply and still hoped he was here with me.

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