by Damilola Kenku

 “Now I wonder, who directs this soap, which gives us hilarious comedy in one moment and  bone chilling horror in the next ?”

This morning as I woke up, I mumbled the two sentences which have now become my morning prayer, ‘Protect me lord, let your will be done Amen’. I rushed into the bathroom,had my bath before my breakfast of  Jollof rice from last night. Noticing that there was
power supply, I sank into the couch, seized the remote and tuned to my favourite soap opera.

My favourite soap opera has been running way before I was born, and each day it never disappoints. My favourite soap opera is always interesting, with its rich array of cast and numerous plot changes (some last for less than a minute and others can run for months even years). Just like many other long winding soap operas, it anchors on an intangible plot: making it even better, in my humble opinion. I can’t say what type of genre it is because it changes; sometimes it is horror, sometimes it’s a tragicomedy and sometimes it’s a downright hilarious comedy. The stories are always connected,  sometimes though, not directly.

For this soap “viewers discretion is strongly advised”.

Its viewer base is one of the largest I know, running into the hundreds of millions. Oh! And they are ardent viewers, taking a few minutes everyday to discuss about one episode or the other. The location doesn’t matter- newspaper stand, cafeteria, school,public toilet, anywhere, anytime. Now I wonder, who directs this soap that gives us hilarious comedy in one moment and  bone chilling horror in the next .

A few months ago, we watched Bazook Naman (real name not used), who was said to have collected money from Yemi Oredota (who he was supposed to be prosecuting). He hid said money in his cap and when he was asked, he claimed to have accepted the gift, so Yemi would give him peace of mind. Hilarious innit? Sounds like a Bill Cosby joke to me.

Another episode showed 4 young men burnt to death after being beaten for allegedly stealing phones (Phones, seriously?). Watching them burn, made me feel the kind of fright,  I hadn’t felt since watching Koto Aiye . Fast forward to other violent scenes shot up north, Rambo, Jack Bauer and Ku Klux Klan take on themselves, killing each other with the same mercy I have for crushing mosquitoes. While in a sub plot, undergraduates sit in the jury box, waiting to pass judgement in the case of: ASUG vs Feds.

Since “actor no dey die for film”, it makes great storytelling sense when one of the main actors wakes up from the dead (as declared by self), after 10 days of death (even later than Jesus himself), when the debate of what a billion Naira mission-house is supposed to serve for. Duh, it’s obviously going to be the house of resurrection. Damn! Quarantine Tarantino, has nothing on this director. No one, not even Emem Isong.

Did you all see the film trick of the year?  Electricity has increased from 2800MW -4500MW  but I haven’t had light for 3 days, and you are probably reading this because of your generator powered device. The billions sunk into producing this ongoing special effect, keeps disappearing (another special effect worthy of an Oscar), faster than meat pieces from my mum’s pot – when I was younger. Okay maybe they still disappear.

Although it has its own flaws; like 60 year olds being cast as youth leaders, or a man who didn’t have shoes, taking his people to the promised land (even Moses had sandals before he was told to remove them in the bible’s burning bush story), it however remains my favourite pastime – the soap opera of life!

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Damilola Kenku, is undergraduate taking his yearly ASUU vacation. Amongst many other things, he loves to put pen to paper – in an evil sort o’ way #AnyBodyCanWrite

30 Days, 30 Voices series is an opportunity for young Nigerians from across the world to share their stories and experiences – creating a meeting point where our common humanity is explored.

Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.