by Jessica Grover

All of us desire to be listened to and understood at the core of who we are. It’s expected for friends to turn a listening ear when you’re speaking and sharing your life with them, without interrupting and being dismissive. We all need to work on be intentional listeners

Evaluating a friendship is often times necessary in order to improve the quality of your relationships. Some friendships come easily and are maintained well without any effort! Other friendships can seem draining at times, and when that happens, it’s best to take a step back and really question how to go forward with the relationship. Here are some useful questions to ask yourself when evaluating a friendship that will be beneficial for all your current and future relationships!

1. DOES SHE INVEST AS MUCH TIME AS I DO?

One of the key questions to ask yourself when evaluating a friendship is the amount of time both of you invest in each other. Sometimes, one of you will invest more time than the other, causing an imbalance in the quality of the relationship. It’s not essential that you see your friends or speak to them on a daily basis, but putting in the time fairly often is important for growth! If you are always the one to make plans and to reach out first, it may be time to ask some questions.

2. IS IT EASY OR DIFFICULT TO CONNECT WHEN WE’RE TOGETHER?

Some people are just naturally easy to talk to and get along with, and are gifted with the ability to put people at ease. Meaningful relationships should have this quality, despite personality differences. There is a big issue with not being able to connect with friends and having awkwardness in the air because it generally means you’re trying too hard to impress. Be yourself, and take note if you feel at ease around the other person.

3. CAN I TRUST HER COMPLETELY?

Trust is the foundation of any relationship. You know when you have it and when you don’t. Does she keep your secrets to herself? Can you depend on her when you need her and trust she will follow through? If the answer is yes then keep her close! If not, then it’s time to let that friendship go and move on- trust is just too important!

4. DOES SHE LISTEN?

All of us desire to be listened to and understood at the core of who we are. It’s expected for friends to turn a listening ear when you’re speaking and sharing your life with them, without interrupting and being dismissive. We all need to work on be intentional listeners, but if you and your friend don’t listen to each other as you should, then things need to change!

5. IS OUR TIME TOGETHER DRAINING OR ENERGIZING?

I know when I am with a close friend and I leave feeling energized with the knowledge of time well-spent, it’s a strong relationship. If you constantly leave your friend feeling drained and emotionally exhausted, then it’s not worth your time investing in that friendship! Drama and ridiculous behaviors shouldn’t be the center of any friendship.

6. DO WE ENCOURAGE EACH OTHER?

Do you go out of your way to encourage your friends and vice versa? And I don’t just mean when times are hard. It’s so meaningful and life-giving to encourage your friends just because you want to lift their spirits! If you know of a friend who encourages you in this way, definitely keep her around!

7. IS SHE A VALUABLE PERSON IN MY LIFE?

Lastly, and possibly the most central question to ask when evaluating a friendship, is asking if she is valuable to you or not. Would you be devastated to lose her in your life? Each response, yes or no, will provide you the means for where to take your friendship in the future and whether or not it’s worth investing in.

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Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.