by Alison Bryant

It’s often said that if you want a lasting relationship, it’s no use hanging around in clubs or bars. That kind of place tends to attract people looking for a meaningless fling. Don’t waste time looking in the wrong places; focus your attention on places where you might meet potential partners.

Are you falling foul of one of the many dating obstacles? Sometimes we make poor decisions that prevent us from finding love. Or we may unknowingly sabotage our own efforts to find a partner that can make us happy. Here are some of the dating obstacles, and what you can do to overcome them …

1. LOW SELF-ESTEEM

One of the major dating obstacles is a lack of self-esteem. How are you going to interest potential partners if you don’t value yourself? You also risk getting into a relationship that is unfulfilling – or even abusive. Start seeing yourself as someone who is worth being with. If you want a good partner you need to believe that you deserve to be treated well.

2. NEGATIVITY

Who wants to date a negative person? It’s so draining to be around someone who moans, puts themselves down, or puts you down. So are you giving off some very negative vibes? If you could be, start reassessing how you treat other people. That doesn’t just mean potential partners, it means everyone. If you’re rude to a shop assistant, your date isn’t going to be impressed

3. PROJECTING UNDESIRABILITY

If you think you aren’t attractive or interesting, then you’ll project that image. People simply won’t be interested as they’ll pick up on your belief that you’re undesirable. It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy, and it won’t make you happy. Start giving yourself the message that you’re an interesting, attractive person, and other people will believe it too.

4. LOOKING IN THE WRONG PLACE

It’s often said that if you want a lasting relationship, it’s no use hanging around in clubs or bars. That kind of place tends to attract people looking for a meaningless fling. Don’t waste time looking in the wrong places; focus your attention on places where you might meet potential partners. Hobbies that you are passionate about are a good place to start. And of course don’t overlook the workplace – even if your coworkers are mostly female, they have male relatives and friends.

5. THE PERFECT WOMAN

Do you try too hard to be what you think men want? Or shape yourself to fit in with your partner’s wishes? That’s not a good way to find a decent relationship, but it is a good way to lose the real you. Don’t try to be the perfect woman – wait to find someone who likes you as you are.

6. DESPERATION

Desperation is no more attractive than negativity, and it’s bound to deter potential partners. They could feel that anyone will do for you, which isn’t very flattering. Being desperate could also lead you to make serious mistakes and not choose your partner as carefully as you should. Take a step back, and realise that being in a relationship is a bonus, not a necessity.

7. RUSHING

You may rush to get into a relationship if you think you’re running out of time to have a family. Or perhaps you feel that you don’t want to be single any longer. But all those wise proverbs about hurrying being a mistake were right. Hold high standards for yourself, and for whom you date.

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Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.