by Bea

If you suspect your date might be a rapist, don’t go out with them. Or go to a crowded place. But don’t bring a friend along to chaperone. It’s really uncomfortable for your date, your friend will end up feeling like a third wheel, and you will look like a total dork. 

1. Look too casual

Maybe your date has been your friend for the longest time, and maybe you want to look casual so that they feel relaxed. Or maybe you don’t think looks are so important that you need to focus on them at all. All the same, it isn’t a good idea to meet your date for the first time wearing sweats and without running a comb through your hair. They might get an impression that you don’t care enough to make an effort. Base your decision of how you’re going to look on where you are going. If your date is at a burger joint, a pair of jeans should be fine. But make an effort, and make sure it shows, otherwise the other person might think you don’t consider them important enough.

2. Bring along a friend

If you suspect your date might be a rapist, don’t go out with them. Or go to a crowded place. But don’t bring a friend along to chaperone. It’s really uncomfortable for your date, your friend will end up feeling like a third wheel, and you will look like a total dork. Your date will understand that you do not trust them enough to come alone. That’s never good to start a relation with. There are a hundred ways you can ensure your safety . A third wheel isn’t one of them.

3. Go somewhere you can’t talk

You may have met your date through a common interest in a sport or a music band, and a concert or a game as a first date may seem like an awesome idea, but I’m going to suggest you keep that for later. Don’t have your first date in a stadium full of people. The first date determines whether there’ll be a second date, and the most crucial part of a first date is conversation. That’s why it’s not a good idea to go to a noisy bar, discotheque, stadium, concert, or even movie hall, unless you are also planning a quiet meal together before or after.

4. Be someone else

It seems obvious, but a lot of people end up hiding facts about themselves on their first date, particularly stuff that makes them different from their date, such as atheism or non-vegetarianism. Understandable, you are nervous and don’t want your date to think you are weird, but don’t hide facts that are important to you.  You might want to keep to yourself that you see dead people. If you  own 23 cats however, that’s the sort of thing people would want to know in the very beginning, rather than four months later, specially if they are allergic. Certain facts, and your date’s reaction to them, will help you both form your judgement. Don’t be reticent.

5. Tell them all about your ex

It’s tempting. Your date seems to be the only person who has understood you in a while. Maybe they will understand all the stuff that happened between you and your douchebag ex. Maybe they’ll sympathise, and understand why it wasn’t your fault, and that you are totally over the break up. Maybe it will make them see how much you care for them, in contrast to how much you hate your ex. Actually, it makes you look like a horrible, negative , scary person. No matter how much you suffered, or how special your last relationship was, your date hasn’t signed up to hear the whole story on the first night. Plus, it’ll make them think you’re still obsessed with your ex, and not ready for a new relationship.

6. Get too sexual

It may seem like a good way to make sure your date likes you and doesn’t forget you, but first meeting sex is only going to put a huge amount of pressure on the relationship. A first date is an opportunity to find out if you want to be with a person, not to score some. There’s really no subtle way I can put it: don’t ask for sex on your first date, and don’t give it either. Unless, of course, your target was a one-night stand, in which case the word ‘first’ is irrelevant. If you want to start a relationship based on trust and respect, don’t put out on the first date.

7. Ask your ex to come over and babysit

It’s a fairly common practice among divorced couples with kids. If one lands a date, the other babysits. Believe it or not, this situation might actually be uncomfortable for your date, at least on the first meeting. They don’t want to come to your house to pick you up only to find your ex there, waving goodbye. If you really want to keep the arrangement, then drop your kids off at your ex’s place beforehand, and pick them up the next morning. Of all the things a person doesn’t want to meet on the first date, ex-spouse ranks a close second to double barrelled rifle.

8. Fuss about the bill

You may have some rules about eating with people, but be a little flexible and accommodate the other party on your first date. If you prefer paying your half, but your date wants to pay the whole, don’t throw a tantrum, just mention that you would prefer to pay your share next time. It’s generally considered good form to offer to pay, but make sure you’re carrying your wallet in case your date takes you up on your offer.

9. Get sloshed

You’re nervous, and you’ve built up hugely to this evening. The booze is awesome, and maybe you aren’t the one paying for it. I understand your excuses. Just, don’t do it, don’t get drunk. You’re going to do or say something so excruciatingly embarrassing that it will revisit you in your nightmares for months. You do not want to leave your date with the memory of holding your head up as you deposit your dinner in the toilet bowl.  And you certainly don’t want to wake up with no memory of the previous evening. If you find it tough to keep your drinking in check once you start, stay away from alcohol altogether. Drunken silly capers are for later.

10. Monopolize the conversation

A lot of people, out of nervousness, tend to spend their first date talking about themselves. Others, in order to get a healthy conversation rolling, grill their date with question after question like a police interrogation. Make sure both of you are taking part in the conversation, don’t spend more than two minutes talking at a stretch. And don’t let most of the conversation be about you. But if your date is shy and taking time to open up, the worst thing you can do is ask them too many question about themselves one after the other. Let them take their time to become comfortable, and if they choose not to be too forthcoming on the first date, you have to respect that.

Read this article in Beas Health Living

Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.